Receiving a voicemail from a person I’ve never met makes me squirm. My hands go clammy, my knees turn weak, my arms go heavy (mom’ spaghetti). The thought of contextualising someone away from the safe space of a two-dimensional photo and messaging app makes me sweat. Hearing someone’s voice means plucking them out from virtual reality which in turn, shoves you closer to confronting the fact that you’re communicating with a real-life person with real life feelings. Rah!! It’s intense.
I’m aware this is not a hot, new take on social media; most people are pretty well versed in the comfort of hiding behind a screen and how easy it can be when scrolling through your timeline to forget that each and every post was created by an actual human being. However, I think now more than ever, it is so important to not lose sight of the fact that there are people thinking behind screens and that words will always have consequences.
Take for example Mr Chai-gate – the drama of Tommy Fury and Molly-Mae Hague’s Russian-imported dead dog. If you missed it, the pair shipped a dog, the late Mr Chai, from overseas and he died only six days later. No matter which way you swing it, the death of any dog is heartbreaking.
Unfortunately, Twitter saw this as another opportunity to condemn Tommy and Molly to the extent that Tommy started trending. What they did OF COURSE was unethical, supporting the overbreeding of dogs for certain characteristics is wrong and the poor dog died because it was over bred to cater to a certain aesthetic for human benefit. The entire practice is cruel and must be stopped – do your research Tommy, man! Equally though, YOU do your research. Although Tommy looks like he conceivably could have fathered me (daddy?) he is only twenty-one. TWENTY-ONE. Just because they are in the public eye doesn’t mean they’re not allowed to make mistakes – people are always going to make mistakes. Call them out, but check yourself. It seems elementary to type this but it’s so important to evaluate whether your comments on an issue are proactive in resolving the problem or if you are merely slamming people to boost your own social capital. There is a way to critique and call out people without hounding them.
Fundamentally I’m not here to talk about a Z-list couple’s dog, there are certainly much bigger conversations to be had, yet I think it showcases how some people will jump on the opportunity to weigh in on conversations with little regard for the consequences of their words. I saw endless tweets wheeling out insults left right and centre, vilifying them and using the situation to earn some clout. What is with this mystic that people are trying so hard to cultivate? If you cared so much about the issue why are you using fire to fight fire?
It has to be said, I’m looking at this situation in isolation to other criticism that the couple have faced concerning the use of their platforms. However in the midst of everything, I just ask that people show some compassion. Who are you sat at your computer calling someone a meathead !! Despite the whole #bekind wave, a large proportion of the internet seems to have forgotten Caroline Flack and the damage that words can cause. No matter the size of your platform, the internet does not forget. ANYONE can access and absorb your content. With this in mind, the recklessness of people’s online behaviour is not exclusive to bullying influencers and from what I’ve witnessed over the past week, can work to remove people from really important conversations.
In regard to the Black Lives Matter movement, I have seen SO many white people using their platforms to slate others who are attempting to engage in conversation. We are all going to get things wrong, that is FINE. This is why we need educating, but if people continue to pounce at any opportunity to exhibit their superiority through belittling others, it’s not surprising that many are reluctant to engage with the movement.
A couple of days ago, @bexlife’s posted this on her Instagram:
Read it, re-read it and read it again. This is not the woke Olympics. Fellow white people: stop making this about you.
The number of typically apolitical people becoming engaged in this movement is amazing. However, I think we all need to check ourselves to ensure that we work to sustain the movement and avoid excluding people from the conversation. For example, yesterday I saw a person tweet about their utter distaste (!!) at others not understanding the concept of systemic racism. I think people can forget that to a large extent, your education bears testament to your privilege. As a community we need to acknowledge that not everyone has experienced the same education and therefore not everyone understands these ~seemingly straightforward~ concepts. Stop assuming that everyone is starting from the same page, start small and make information accessible and digestible. I saw this a lot last week with “All Lives Matter”. The reason why this is wrong and how to constructively call someone out is explained really well by this post:
Identifying this mistake however, does not provide you with a VIP pass to belittle people for misunderstanding. The whole point is to educate and accelerate change – this is not the time to puff your chest and flex your righteousness. Yes, Jeeves is always at the ready to answers our questions and it is our responsibility to educate ourselves but regardless, people are still going to get things wrong.
Having the privilege of understanding equips you with tools to educate and help people to engage and change their ideas. Over the past week, I have spoken to many people about this and the main worry that I’ve heard is that people are hesitant to engage because they are scared to get things wrong. I firmly believe this would not be the case if people checked in with how they approach people online and correct others responsibly. There is a human being behind that screen! No matter if you’re a private Instagram account with 200 followers, MMH with 4.2 million or Jesus with 12, your words have consequences.
Passively indirecting people on social media is just going to incite further anxiety and can result in withdrawal from the discussion. There is a DM button! People have numbers! Public humiliation is not constructive. There is a way to call people out without being a dick. I implore people to harness that energy that we pour into tearing others down and redirect it to actually promote some good. Some people are so eager to demonstrate their knowledge and power but you cannot “win” at not being racist. White people, this is not our time to virtue signal. We need to listen, follow the lead of black people and work to prevent burnout.
That being said, if someone is being overtly racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist etc then BY ALL MEANS go ahead and publicly call people out. We need to hold people accountable and scrutinise blatantly wrong views – these people need to be exposed to make change. However, belittling people who are genuinely trying to learn and participate is counterproductive.
I’m worried I’m sounding a little like Boris’ stay alert message here – “Don’t call people out…but call them out…but DON’T call them out!”
Call people out yes, but do it constructively. We need to be careful and cautious – this shouldn’t be an act of performative culture. Essentially, we need to remember that our words have consequences and that despite good intentions, can be damaging to causes that we want to support. Stop using this movement as an opportunity to feel superior and woke. Stop making this about you and dragging people down, it is all about sustaining discussion.
Ultimately, people are fragile and scared of getting things wrong. Conversations are going to be uncomfortable but the worst thing we can do is to block people out by condescending others because that will only result in a loss of momentum. We can’t bypass this opportunity to change our society for the better. We need to amplify voices, not lead this discussion. STAY ANGRY but don’t work to deepen division. Do something constructive. Listen, read, discuss, sign and DONATE.
Love, Bobs xxxxx
P.s. If you’re reading this and haven’t spoken out yet please ask yourself why. We can’t afford to be bystanders. Silence is compliance and silence is violence. DO SOMETHING. If you don’t feel you know what to say, I’ve listed some resources below that you can check out. Have conversations with your family, engage with content people are posting, listen to what black people have to say.
P.p.s. If I’ve said anything offensive or wrong please let me know x
Some resources:
*these are obvs not exhaustive, just some that I found useful*
Petitions:
- https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/#petitions
- https://linktr.ee/transnormativity
- https://docs.google.com/document/d/17e5CWtz-7bXqqklMz_2CaKsMzz-QCfWx2DCri3xdISs/mobilebasic (List of petitions you can sign, places you can donate and educational resources!!)
- https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1x65xLdIUDWMUl4_nkuD-EeP98UuJ2nuknUDsqUm7R9s/htmlview?usp=drivesdk&pru=AAABcrKGa6I*8dnIT-Gn7RXjlbvV-wUH_w
Donate:
Instagram:
Bobbie Dennis 
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